Hard on the Outside, Soft in the Middle

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Comedy/Drama, USA, 2000

Synopsis Lily speaks before a class of young children telling them of her heinous story, one about freeing a lobster from a restaurant the owner wanting her to pay what he paid for it. She goes to pick little Eddie up, the name she has given the lobster only to find that Mary Cherry is devouring him. Ms. Glass hands back the classes reports on Natural Selection, much to Sam's dismay Brooke receives an A. Lily receives an F on her report Mary Cherry must die, who is sitting next to her telling her that Lil Eddie's sister Lil Babe will soon be in her stomach as well. Sam finds out that the only reason Brooke got a better grade on her paper was because her's was packaged better, Ms. Glass giving her a lesson on natural selection, only the pretty survive. Principal Hall introduces Harrison to Esquist the new foreign exchange student, knowing Chinese, having him show her around. In the Novack Sam decides to change her hair colour to blonde after what Ms. Glass had said to her. Brooke always wins, getting the better grades, the boys and bigger meat at dinner time. Sam wants to taste the big meat of life, Lily agrees with her after loosing Lil Eddie to Mary Cherry having paid five thousand dollars for the lobster. Carmen points out that two of the biggest sex icons of their time, Marolyn and Maddona who also achieved success after going blonde. The three all decide to go blonde to achieve their goals and power they seek. Sugar tells, Brooke, Nicole, Mary and Josh that he wants to go out with Esquisit who he has invited to lunch. Mary quickly pulls her aside whispering in her ear that the only thing exquisite at the school is her ass. Nicole asks Harrison to ask which one Esquisit would like to date, much to the shock of Josh it is not him, but Sugar. Sam, Lily and Carmen make their grand blonde entrance into the cafeteria proving that they can take their grades, their men and their power by matching the blonde's whoreish hair colour. The blonde's bet that they can keep their power even if they go blonde, and who ever looses the bet has to get Mohawks. Mary Cherry discovers that she bares a striking resemblance to Barbara Strisand. Harrison makes his debut as a blonde as well, to support his friends who Sam thinks looks fine. As browns, Brooke, Nicole and Mary make their debut having things tossed at them and being mocked. Mary suggests they go to Ceaser's Crutons finding Lily has gotten Lil Babe, who Mary offers him one million dollars for the lobster. Lily objects, having the bet on natural selection, Ceaser comes up with the suggestion that they have a bowl off at his disco bowl. The Blonde fever catches on with Jane, feeling free and having fun, and Mike who has gone brown after finding a grey hair, trying to cover his age. At dinner, Sam tells Brooke that Carmen is an expert bowler and gets the big meat. The next day at school the browns decide they need help and ask Ms. Glass to join who refuses until Mary Cherry informs her that if they loose Ceaser Crutons will become shell fish free changing her decision to join them. Carmen coaches Lily on bowling, who is terrible at it afraid she will loose Lil Babe. The brown's also get Sugar Daddy to join their team. Ms. Glass gives the class another chance on their reports on Natural Selection, which Brooke gets a D and Sam gets an A, even though her report is pretty and flashy, the pages are blank proving blonde's do have more fun. Sugar becomes jealous thinking Esquisit has chosen Harrison, feeling teased by her. Esquisit wonders what she did wrong feeling unworthy of Sugar's love. It's the night of the big bowl off and the brown's are dressed up in their finest clothes, including Ms Glass who has also gone brown. Brooke feels that she didn't deserve the D she got, making her think she really deserve the A she got either. The Blondes make their grand entrance ready to bowl including April Tuna. It's the Brown's VS the Blondes in a bowl off of Natural Selection and Disco. Ceaser and VP Crups MC the event as the Blondes lead the game, Brooke is up to bowl after Carmen, who gets a strike tying up the game. Lily is the final bowler for the Blonde's who is also the worse bowler on the team, guttering both her balls. After Ms. Glass collapses from dehydration, Sugar Daddy is left to fill in for Ms. Glass, who hasn't bowled very well so far. He walks off the alley prompting Harrison and Esquisit to chase after him. Harrison tells Sugar he is wrong about Esquisit, who has been working on her firs English phrase, telling Sugar he is the real deal, she love Sugar, love Sugar long time. Sugar returns to the game winning it for the Brown's in and upset for the Blonde's. Mike makes an announcement, telling them that he was passed over for the promotion at work, after realizing its family that matters he asks Jane to marry him in three weeks and join their two families. Later at home, Brooke and Sam (now with Mohawk) have a talk in the washroom. Brooke admits that Sam had a point at natural selection and that they have 3 weeks to break up their parents and get out of each others lives for good. The next day at school Lily says goodbye to Babe, and apologizing to Mary about the way she treated her, feeling sorry because of her hard outer shell, Mary being stupid and blonde, if she calmly and rationally explained to Mary that eating something that is alive and wrong maybe she would have helped her save Lil Babe instead of eat her. Mary tells Lily that Lil Babe will live having her go out and call Fed Ex to ship Babe off while she packs her up. As soon as Lily leaves Mary exchanges the lobster for a brick planing on eating it anyway.

Directed by Jamie Babbit  

Starring Leslie Bibb, Carly Pope, Tamara Mell, Christopher Gorham, Sara Rue, more...

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