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Santa


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Comedy/, USA, 2012, 20 min.

Synopsis At the loft, they prep for Christmas by stringing garland. Jess never questioned whether Santa was real, as long as he kept bringing toys.Schmidt says telling Christian kids that Santa isn't real was very bad for the Jewish "brand."Winston says "whether or not Santa is real," and gets mocked mercilessly and pelted with cranberries. He calls for a truce when one gets stuck in his ear.Nick asks for a ride to the airport out of San Diego at 3 a.m. Jess realizes it's their last chance for a "holiday hang." Winston won't stop shouting because of the berry in his ear, but has an office party. Jess suggests they go to every Christmas party, she'll be DD. Otherwise, she'll just stay home and try to keep from calling Sam.Nick agrees but only if they do the "Irish good-bye," leave every party without saying good-bye. Nick worries about them being awkward around his "stripper girlfriend." They haven't had sex yet, but might tonight.At Sadie and Melissa's cookie decorating party Schmidt is ignoring Cece after she crushed him. "I just want to spend the night making it with some fatty in an elf costume, is that too much to ask?" he says."Instead I'm stuck here at this lesbian cookie party. It's all wreaths, no trees."Nick tries to prove how OK he is with Angie (Olivia Munn) being a stripper. She makes him a cookie that says "Let's Have Sex" and he tries to prove he's OK with having sex around people.Jess freaks out when she sees Sam across the room. She hides behind Cece, Schmidt, Nick and Angie as they scoot toward the exit. Winston is talking to Sam and shouts to Jess that he's there. Jess calls Irish good-bye and they run.At Gerhardt Schoubi's "Wir Haben Viel Christmas Fun!" party, they've been at the party for a few minutes when Jess runs into Sam. She tries to run away from him but instead runs into the glass walls like a bird. Winston told Sam where the party was in exchange for an ear exam.Sam tells her he wants her back and she runs into the walls again, desperately trying to find a door.Schmidt and Winston talk to Jess in a bedroom. Winston urges her to give Sam a chance, while Schmidt finds it suspicious that a good looking person would be a doctor and concludes it must mean he's a player.Sam comes in through a sliding glass door and Jess makes the guys hide in the closet with her. Sam tells her he messed up, he went to the party because he knew she'd be there. "If you are here, I'm sorry if this sounds a little rehearsed. This is the third room I've done this in," Sam says.Winston blows their cover by loudly asking what he's saying.Jess stalks out of the closet to tell Sam he's too late, she's in love with Winston."I don't know how it happened, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly," he says. "The relationship," Jess clarifies. "Sometimes when we're hanging out it can get a little rough," Winston says.Out by the pool, Nick tries to get Angie to stop playing with the expensive Santa sleigh and reindeer, so she won't break it. Instead, he suggests they do it in the sleigh. It lasts for a little while before they tumble out onto the faux snow. "This is my nightmare!" Nick shouts, crawling under the snow as Angie does modeling poses for the gathered crowd.Cece finds Schmidt and tries to give him a gift, saying she cares about him and wants them to be friends. "Thanks for this, because this makes everything so much better," he says.Then he hands the gift to a random girl walking by.Inside, Sam takes the cranberry out of Winston's ear and asks how he got Jess. Winston finally understands what he missed.Outside, Winston confronts Jess, telling her she can't just use him for his body any more. He throws his drink on her, whispers it's for her own good, and storms off. Jess admits to Sam that she and Winston were never together.She tries to explain that it's hard for her to trust him, when he kisses her. She thinks she was gullible for thinking it was ever more than a physical thing for him.Inside, Nick tries to explain to Angie that exhibitionism doesn't come naturally to him. He insists he's OK with her being a stripper "for now." She storms off. "Nick Miller, turning lemonade into lemons since 1981," he says to himself.At KQTO, Winston's office party, Winston commandeers the karaoke and sings bad carols. In the booth, Nick does a fake radio call-in voice to get Jess to talk. She wonders if she was right not to believe Sam."I dunno, I think you're the kind of girl a guy would come back for," he says.Cece joins Schmidt sulking outside. She tells him it was a tungsten bracelet because he said that was "the most baller" metal."I just wanted to try to find a way to say 'thank you' for telling me that you loved me, even if I was the wrong person," she says.He gives her a firm "bah humbug."Nick tells Jess he blew it with Angie. He thinks she doesn't even want to be at the party. Jess asks if she ever does anything she doesn't want to do.She thinks a girl who's fearless could be good for Nick. When he sees her, Nick picks up the microphone and publicly announces he's an idiot because he can't just put himself out there all the time, it's too scary."I'm not as brave as you, but here goes: I'm very poor. Having a checking account would be an honor. I'm a writer, I've written a zombie book. It's terrible. I'm a slow runner, I'm obsessed with karate. You are the scariest thing in the world and you are so goofy to be going out with me. Thank you," he says.He asks Winston to turn the music up, "because I'm about to get sexy up in here." He proceeds to do a very unsexy dance and ask for a second chance. He gives her the world's worst lap dance."Oh yea, that's kind of the stuff," she says.Finally, she sits him down and shows him how it's done. Then Schmidt interrupts her and shows her how it's done.On the drive home, Jess veers all over the road, thinking she made a mistake about Sam. She gets pulled over. She reeks of booze because of the drink Winston threw on her.The cop leans in and she pleads that she takes traffic laws very seriously and she would never drink after even having a drop of alcohol, it's just been a terrible night. The cop, who is black with a big bushy beard, says he believes her. Sometimes, people just tell the truth. He lets her go and wishes her a good night.They're all pretty sure they just saw Black Santa. Jess wants to go see Sam.Jess drags everybody to the hospital, but the male nurse won't let her in. Angie flashes him and he lets them all pass. A security guard stops them so Jess breaks out into "Come All Ye Faithful" and pretends they're carolers. The second verse is entirely "I don't know the words."Sam finds her in the hall. He tells her when they met a girl had just screwed him up. She kisses him.They head out, Schmidt shows Cece he's wearing her bracelet. She wishes him Happy Hanukkah and he wishes her "Happy Moon Festival." "Nope, not a thing," she says. They realize they've lost Nick and Angie.No shame, doing it in a children's hospital.

Directed by Craig Zisk  

Starring Zooey Deschanel, Jake M. Johnson, Max Greenfield, Lamorne Morris, Hannah Simone, more...

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