Two Monkeys and a Panda

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Comedy/Romance/, USA, 2011, 21 min.

Synopsis Phil is upset because he founds some spa certificates that expired the next day they got from a charity auction. If they don't use them, then they just gave money to charity. Of course, Claire has no time for it, since she has to drive Luke to practice, Alex to her recital, burn a bunch of DVDs of a concert, and mediate a fight between Haley and Alex over them wearing each others' clothes, which apparently Haley thinks Alex should be honored by. ("It's the first time the top half got any exercise!") (ouch!) Claire thinks they need to learn to share, so Haley will go put on Alex's nerdy t-shirt with that guy from Back to the Future on it. ("That's Albert Einstein!") But Alex got her revenge, albeit by accident, when she got Haley's sweater caught in the door.CLAIRE: More than anything, I want my girls to stop fighting and be close. I want them to share clothes and do each others' hair and gossip about I used to do with Mitchell.Jay and Gloria head to the cemetery. Gloria doesn't want to do it, of course, but Jay found two great plots for sale and thought he should be prepared. (Yes, he went to a funeral recently.) But he's optimistic.JAY: Not that I'm going to go there anytime soon.GLORIA: Don't be so sure! All that bacon he eats...JAY: Well, I gotta give my cholesterol pills something to do.Apparently, plots mean something different in California than the rest of the country because Gloria (and I, really) thought he meant some place in the ground surrounded by trees out in the sun. Jay meant a crypt. Or as Gloria called it, a file cabinet.GLORIA: Here, you're just a mushy bag of bones rotting away for all eternity. (and yes, a nice old lady was visiting her husband when she said that)Cameron has gotten into a recent kick about making sure Lily knew she was adopted (since being raised by two non-Asian men would never have given her a clue about it) and is even making a little book for her. (BTW, Cam watches a lot of Oprah.) The book is called Two Monkeys and a Panda since Lily is Asian and Cam can draw monkeys. Mitchell is all on board with it until Cameron panics over Lily's birth certificate, which makes her last name Pritchett and her middle name Tucker. (They forgot the hyphen.) Then Cameron remembered Mitchell filling out all the legal forms, and the fact Mitchell was a lawyer had nothing to do with it. Mitchell is trying to bury Cameron! (If you think it sounds stupid here, you should have seen it on the show.)Phil couldn't get any of the ladies at work to use the spa certficate and he couldn't get an extension of the deadline. But when you mess with Phil Dunphy, the claws come out! In this case, literally. He's getting his mani-pedi and he's gonna like it! And Claire won't, since she calls him all stressed out in the van while he's getting that thing you get when they put the oven mitts on you. She wants Phil to make dinner since she had to find a replacement sweater, but he tries to weasel out of it. That doesn't sit well with Claire...or the ladies in the spa. But they explain to him by Phil telling Claire to do this or do that to resolve the problem, what Claire is hearing is that he's smarter than her. ("Believe me; she doesn't think that.") The ladies to tell him to offer her support instead of trying to solve her problem.Jay and Gloria meet the Rutledges, who are selling the plot/drawer. They try to get to know everybody in the crypt/filing cabinet first while they still have the chance. And Mrs. Rutledge is concerned about Gloria being so much younger and remarrying after Jay kicks because she may end up selling the plot/drawer to the highest bidder. Jay wants her to reassure the Rutledges she's in. Gloria discovers the perfect excuse to tell her they can't do it. ("Good luck getting someone into your drawers.")Cameron goes to apologize, saying he overreacted. However, it turns out Mitchell left out the hyphen on purpose. But he did have a reason. Cameron was freaking out right before they went to get Lily, and Mitchell was afraid Cameron would bolt, so he covered his tracks just in case. But after Cameron stuck it out, Mitchell was afraid to get his signature to make the change. Cameron couldn't believe it and walked out.Manny and Jay talk at the bar at home...with Manny playing bartender...and Jay realized Gloria could remarry after he dies and it was bothering him. Jay always thought she'd try to skate by with some putz who could never replace him. But now, Jay is thinking he might be the putz. But Manny reassured him Gloria loved him. She had offers after her first divorce, good-looking guys, some had money, one was even a Kennedy. But Gloria fell in love with Jay during their first fight, since she finally met her match. Jay tells her to put his ashes in an old coffee can so he can stay with her after he's gone. And she loves it. (And so does he, because the putz will always have a reminder of him.)Claire was successful in ripping the correct sweater off of a mannequin in the fifth store she tried...while some pervert filmed it and posted it in on the Internet. However, she forgot to get rid of the security tag and got security ink all over the sweater in the process of removing it. Alex freaks out, Haley freaks out when she sees it, and both of them were fighting again. Claire is almost in tears, but Phil wonders why they can't see how much Claire loves them, or that some lady needs so much help when she has a housekeeper and a nanny. And the salon advice is working! You know he's gonna screw it up, right? But he doesn't! He does get a little heartbroken when Claire can't tell how much better he looked after going to the spa.Mitchell came in to apologize to Cam and read him his version of Two Monkeys and a Panda, where the scared monkey held the panda in his arms and became the brave monkey. Lily loved the story, and she clapped. And peace was restored to their house.

Directed by Beth McCarthy-Miller  

Starring Ed O'Neill, Sofía Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, more...

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