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Comedy/Romance/, USA, 2011, 22 min.

Synopsis Phil (Ty Burrell) is ready to lay some wood. (For a treehouse, what did you think I meant?!?) Claire (Julie Bowen) would normally object to such things, but Phil said she okayed it but she must have forgotten. Actually, that was a lie on Phil's part, since Claire wouldn't have okayed it if he actually asked her. Meanwhile, Jay (Ed O'Neill) and Gloria (Sofía Vergara) are entertaining Shorty (Chazz Palminteri) and his date, Darlene (Jennifer Tilly) (and apparently Costco has a plastic surgery section now judging by her rack), where Shorty regails them of a romantic night on the beach where they opened a bottle of wine and watched the sun set. Gloria whined about never going to the beach and laying on a blanket, but Jay said it didn't have back support. Jay also hates crowds, so Cirque du Soleil was out, and rainbows are just a bunch of colors to him. And Shorty inviting Gloria and him to go salsa dancing was definitely not something he was up for.Perhaps he should take romantic advice from Cameron (Eric Stonestreet), who was on the receiving end of some serious flirting by the waitress at a nightclub. He's confident he'd be dating Julia Roberts right now if he was straight, having met her at an AIDS walk. (MITCHELL: You handed her a bottle of water.) Still, Cam's confident, so Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and he make a bet: Cameron has to try to get the phone number of a woman sitting at the bar. Loser does the laundry for a month.CAMERON: I could be a womanizerMITCHELL: No, you could step out of a machine CALLED 'The Womanizer'.Cam goes up to Katie (Leslie Mann) and pretends he knows her from somewhere, but she confesses she's had a hard time remembering names and faces since the car accident put her in a coma. Cam apologized and confessed it was all an act, which Katie caught him in. But she gave him an A for effort...and her digits.CAMERON: If she were a hot guy, I would never have been that smooth. It's ironic. Like the gift of the Vagi. (No, that's not a misspelling.)Phi is actually doing a good job building Luke's treehouse, although Luke (Nolan Gould) is right: you should use screws instead of nails for support. Phil tells him to enjoy it to the fullest because it goes away eventually. Life gets in the way.PHIL: Did I say 'wife gets in the way', because sometimes I do that.LUKE: Nope you're good.Phil's envious he just can't call across the street to his friends like Luke, but at least the treehouse is just like their house. ("Ugh, fix that...board!")Haley (Sarah Hyland) has to write an essay for her college application and is upset she hasn't had any major obstacles in her life. Yes, she blames Claire for it. But now Haley thinks she's not ready to handle anything interesting and dangerous. ("Gabby's mom's a hoarder. That essay practically writes itself.")Cameron calls Katie back because he had a case of the guilts. He thought he charmed her so much, she was just waiting by the phone for him to call. Mitchell naturally doesn't believe it, but Katie does pick up on the first ring.CAMERON: (to Katie) I'm not really quite sure how I can say this.MITCHELL: "I'm a gay guy."CAMERON: (to Katie) It's actually somewhat delicate.MITCHELL: "As am I on account of the gay."CAMERON: (to Katie) No, I had a great time with you, Katie.MITCHELL: "I just don't dig the ladies."Sure enough, Cam couldn't break up with her over the phone, so he invited her over. Mitchell isn't happy with this (nor Cam's efforts to un-gay the place before she arrived), so he went over to see Jay, who finally broke down and got salsa dancing lessons from Manny.MANNY: It's about tapping into your emotion, your passion, and your inner fire.JAY: Crap!Jay doesn't hate dancing; he's just bad at it. His first dance with Gloria was reminiscent of Beauty and the Beast. ("Actually, that was the song. Manny picked it. He didn't like me back then.") Mitch sends Manny off for a moment and gives Jay a pill to help him let his inhibitions loose a bit, since he's as self-conscious as Jay is. ("A gay man who hates dancing lives in a sad lonely little world.") Well, that works better than the YouTube video of the farmer who taught his pig to disco dance.To get Haley to realize why Claire and Phil protected her for so many years, Claire takes her up in the foothills to read what is carved on a tree. Claire's to embarrassed to show it to her personally, so Haley gets out of the car...except Claire drove off and left her there.CLAIRE: THERE'S your obstacle!Phil and Cameron have even bigger obstacles. The treehouse isn't going well, and Luke doesn't want to stay around to see Phil play with a nail gun when he was the victim of a glue gun accident. Katie thinks she's found the perfect guy in Cam, already asking him to attend a family wedding with her. Cameron tells her he's gay...and she already knew that. It was the way he walked and talked...not to mention the theatrical hand gestures. Now Cam's a bit offended he didn't fool her the prior night. But Katie wanted a gay friend to hang out with, get guy advice from, go shopping together.CAMERON: Those are totally offensive stereotypes.KATIE: We could go see Julia Roberts movies together.CAMERON: I know her, and she's as nice as she seems on screen!Katie understands Cam did it over a stupid bar bet, and Cam is ready to confess the truth to Mitchell. But Katie plays along and pretends to be upset with Cam for pretending to be straight and hitting on her. She warns Mitchell she thought he was the least-gay guy she ever met and even told her mom about him. ("You better cherish him!") She gives Cam one helluva kiss before she leaves.KATIE: Are you sure you're gay?CAMERON: (flustered) No...MITCHELL: Cam!CAMERON: Yes. You're an amazing girl, Katie. You are the whole package. I just prefer someone who has one.At the club, Gloria didn't do much in the way of salsa dancing until Jay showed up. Gloria was in ecstasy and Jay...was on a drug named for that. ("If I was going to make an ass of myself, at least I wouldn't remember it.") Provided he actually took ecstasy. Mitchell gave him children's aspirin.On the good side, Phil gets some help for the treehouse from his new neighbor...who has lived next to him for 8 years and didn't even know about.PHIL: So, I guess I was wrong when I said once you get older it's harder to make new friends. Andre, it turns out, is an orthopedic surgeon, handy with tools, and is a great guy to hang out with. Plus, he's a bad-ass black man that gives me extra street cred. (Andre's right there with Phil in the interview.) That was his joke. He's my brotha from a different mother. (That wasn't Andre's) Oh, it's 'brotha from another mother'...never mind.

Directed by Jason Winer  

Starring Ed O'Neill, Sofía Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, more...

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