It's Manny's (Rico Rodriguez) 14th birthday, and Jay (Ed O'Neill) and Gloria (Sofía Vergara) are planning a huge surprise party for him, given it'll be the last one where he's an only child. After giving him the brush-off regarding their plans for that night (Jay loves to fool "the little jerk"), they have to pick up everything, including the cake. But since they didn't have time to wait in the huge line at the cake shop (with zero line at the nearby bookstore...Jay says that's why China's kicking our ass), they scam a new mom out of her cake. Mean, but you want to mess with a ready-to-pop Gloria?Haley (Sarah Hyland) will meet the rest of the family at the Pritchett abode, one hour later than they were told, according to Claire (Julie Bowen), since she is going out a date with one of her co-workers at the clothing store, Kenny, who is Phil's (Ty Burrell) age. But apparently, a wicked ponytail and beard and custom jeans for him and Claire (PHIL: It feels like I'm wearing a diaper!) are enough to get him to look the other way. Of course, Claire figures he'd be OK with barely-legal Haley dating a much older man, given Phil's crush on Emma Watson. Well, specifically her role as Hermione Granger. That's what he gets for watching those movies with Luke (Nolan Gould).Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) is going through a marriage phase, where she wants to have a wedding and marry her daddy. Sure enough, she takes Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) to a mock altar all dressed up with wedding rings. Cameron (Eric Stonestreet), you might suspect, has issues with that, not made better by him struggling as a music teacher and Mitchell doing well at his law firm. But he does hold to tradition and throw rice...well, rice krispies...to the happy couple, getting Lily in her eye with one. But all was forgiven, and Cameron got to have a wedding of his own...after he bribed Lily with a Barbie electric car and all sorts of other stuff. He gets through the ceremony quickly and goes to the reception line while Lily drives through it...and crashes. (CAMERON: Please do not blame me. We always knew there would be strong possibility she'd be a terrible driver.)While the very late Jay and Gloria crashed out of the parking lot because they lost their ticket, everybody set up for the party at the house, except for Luke who filmed the whole thing and kept harassing Lily, who was now sporting a neck brace to go with her eyepatch. Phil still couldn't see anything wrong with Haley going out with a "mentor."PHIL: When I was 17, I was really close with my friend, Stacy's mom. Mrs. Robinson was a former cheerleader, so she knew just how to massage my legs after practice. She had her own homemade Ben-Gay that didn't burn, no matter where she rubbed it on me. If I had a chance to go over there, I'd never miss an opportunity.CLAIRE: I think maybe you did.(And Ty, if I didn't want Ed O'Neill to win an Emmy so badly, I'd say submit this scene to the committee.)But Phil was still fine with Haley's choice of dates...until he saw him kissing Haley. Then suddenly he wanted to fight him. (PHIL: I'm gonna fight him up real nice.) Claire was dying to see this, until Mitchell reminded her she dated a guy that old when she used to work at the Cheesecake Factory just to get a rise out of Jay, only he didn't say a word because he knew Claire would dump a guy who smelled like potato skins and said "supposably" in no time at all. Suddenly Claire went to stop Phil, saying Haley was doing this to get back at them. Phil is so conflicted, particularly when Kenny says "nailed it" coming out of the bathroom and demands a high-five.Mitchell confronts Cameron about the problems he was going through at school, but apparently the kids like him. Certainly the ones at Manny's party who serenaded him do. (CAMERON: Yeah, it's been a nightmare. Thank you for assuming I'm terrible at my job.) It turns out, Cameron was enjoying his job so much, he forgot his tradition of dunking a cookie in milk with Lily every day at 2:30. He was not happy about it, to say the least, and he thinks Lily is resenting him for it. But Mitch reminded him Lily isn't a character on Dynasty and doesn't resent him. When Cameron moves a chaise to pick up a towel and accidentally sends Lily into the pool, she might then. But as Luke's tape proved, Lily calls Mitchell "Dad" and she cried out for "Daddy," what she calls Cameron. So he was happy again.Jay and Gloria finally make it there, and Gloria goes over the plan to surprise Manny by turning the lights out and singing when he turns them on. Alex (Ariel Winter) needs to write it down (sarcasm), but Manny got there earlier than planned. And it turns out Manny had a female friend who wanted to give him an early birthday present. But she wanted to turn the lights on...and screamed. (MANNY: It's harsh, I know! I wanted to put in a better dimmer.) His date ran for the hills, and Manny was completely incensed for ruining his first kiss. But Luke caught it all on tape. Gloria tries to talk to him, but Manny knew kids would make fun of him for a haircut alone. An 8th-grade sex scandal? That would get Gloria's baby to come out. And it was ready to do that. But Gloria felt bad enough about Manny having to share her, now he might have to share a birthday, too. Jay tries to talk to Manny, saying at least Manny can prove he kissed a girl. Kenny certainly wasn't ingratiating himself to Claire or Phil, even admitting he acted more like a 14-year-old than Manny did. He even had a daughter that age. Phil resisting the urge to clip his ponytail with garden shears for running Haley's hand up his leg, Claire tries to keep him at bay. Gloria gets everybody to sing Happy Birthday to Manny, who has finally come out of his room...just in time to see Gloria's water break. (LUKE: And the birthday video becomes a nature film!) But she refused to leave. Jay had to drag her to the car apologizing to Manny the whole way.Everybody else makes it to the hospital in time to hear Gloria screaming. Oh wait, that was from Jay, who was holding Gloria's hand. Gloria was still trying to keep the baby inside until the following day, but Manny told her he had her to himself for 14 years. (JAY: If we had actually forgotten his birthday, he'd be out kissing a cute brunette. Things work out!) Manny knew Gloria loved him and took her hand...and understood why Jay was screaming like a little girl. But now Gloria wanted the baby out. REALLY wanted the baby out. Almost as much as Phil wanted Kenny out from near Haley. (Seriously, he was massaging her thigh. I gotta side with Phil on this one.) But Claire kept playing it out, even giving Haley and Kenny their credit card for dinner at a remote location and a hotel. Phil was being driven mad by this game of chicken Claire was playing (and she was wrong about the iPod), so he goes after them. Haley, on the other hand, returned and freaked out at Claire for letting her get that far with Kenny. She was convinced Phil and her just thought of her as nothing but a disappointment.HALEY: I see the look on his face every day. He acts as if he doesn't want me around!PHIL: (returning in the other elevator and not seeing Haley) Give me the ticket. I'm going after her. This little 'chicken' game may work for your dad but it doesn't work for me! That's my little girl! I need her to know that no guy on Earth is good enough for her, much less a slimy middle-aged jeans salesman! (Haley hugs him) What's this?CLAIRE: Just enjoy it.As for Jay and Gloria...JAY: There's all kinds of milestones in life. The kind you expect to live through...first kiss, birthdays, graduations, if you're lucky a wedding or two, or even a new addition to the family. And then there's the kind you never dream you'd get to live through again. And that's the best kind of all. (to his newborn son) Why am I spoiling it for you? You'll see for yourself.And Gloria thought it was the most painful 20 minutes of her life, much to Claire's disappointment, to say nothing about her being skinny already.
Directed by Fred Savage Starring Ed O'Neill
, Sofía Vergara
, Julie Bowen
, Ty Burrell
, Jesse Tyler Ferguson
, more...Comments 0 read / writeWebsite IMDB