Phil (Ty Burrell) and (Julie Bowen) Claire are hosting brunch for everybody...well, Claire is. Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) still wants to know where his Tupperware is that he loaned to Claire, but it's a piece of plastic; Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) is right. Jay (Ed O'Neill) tries to remember the weatherman whom DeDe didn't listen to and ruined his old convertible. Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) tells Grandpa to just eat his eggs, which everybody thinks is so cute. On the subject of true confessions, it was actually Claire who ruined the convertible and DeDe took the bullet for her. Although in her defense, she was trying to get the cigarette smoke out of the car of her platonic male friend. Yeah, that's the ticket. But of course, the statute of limitations have expired on this. Of course, Jay couldn't get to one of Mitch's ice skating competitions because he was hammered at the golf course. And Mitchell decides to tell Jay the hole-in-one he got on the golf course wasn't one because he kicked the ball in the hole out of boredom. Oops. Jay didn't take too well to that.LILY: Great, Daddy. You ruined brunch.Although everybody finds Lily's frank statements adorable, Luke (Nolan Gould) and Manny (Rico Rodriguez) are feeling a bit of jealousy about Lily getting all the attention. So much so, Luke decides to set a trap for Lily so she gets yelled at by Claire. The trap works perfectly...on Cameron, who slips on the spilled milk and threw out his back, breaking Lily's doll in the process. Phil feels guilty for the milk since he left some out earlier and offers to take Lily with the girls to the mall to get a new doll. Haley (Sarah Hyland) and Alex (Ariel Winter), naturally, start to argue, and Phil tries to play peacemaker by taking them to the food court, over Haley's protests. ("The place smells like the inside of Luke's bicycle helmet.")PHIL: Don't worry, girls. We're not going to deprive ourselves of food just because of Haley's aversion to...ALEX: (laughing, then suddenly stops) Oh, Haley's AVERSION. I thought you said Haley's a....never mind.Can open, worms everywhere!Cam is on the couch recovering from throwing out his back, and he sends Claire on her way to yoga. Gloria (Sofía Vergara) wants to go with and bond but Claire gives her the cold shoulders. Cam convinces her to go as well. Mainly because he was faking his bad back and intended to find the Tupperware bowl Claire borrowed.CAMERON: If I found it, I wouldn't have to hear them snicker again, 'oh, silly Cam' or 'forgetful Cam'. Revenge is a dish that is best served cold. And even better two days later out of a 24-ounce, microwave-friendly, burp-seal Pak-N-Store.Of course, he has to get Mitchell out of the house, who was feeling guilt about telling Jay about his non-hole-in-one. Cam figured Mitchell marred a great father-son experience for Jay, since he took him out to dinner and bought Mitch his first beer that night. Mitch heads for the golf course to un-mar that memory!Haley was upset at Alex, of course, for blabbing to Phil she wasn't a virgin, even though Claire already knew. (she tortured it out of Dylan) But Claire had promised not to tell Phil until Haley went away to college. (HALEY: Which means he may have never found out!) Alex thought their dad may not have heard her. Um, not really, he heard it loud and clear. Which Claire thought she had told Gloria about going to yoga, so Claire had to pretend to have a headache and head back home. Gloria watches her leave and is none too happy with her. Gloria stakes out the yoga studio and sees Claire return. She confronts Claire, who explained she had a 'sacred space' she had to come to in order to unwind. She agreed to let Gloria join her if she never said where they were going. To the massage place? To the nail salon? Nope, the gun range. Nothing like relieving the stress of four teenagers in the house like plugging a paper target with a Sig Sauer. Gloria thinks it's crazy...that Claire isn't a better shot, and proceeds to plug the target center mass on her first shot.At the golf course, Jay is serenaded with some primo BSing from his golfing buddies, so he figures he can keep his lie up since they were sticking to theirs. (Nice hair plugs on the one guy.) But this is a comedy, so Mitch comes in and confesses Jay didn't know anything about him kicking the ball into the hole. And that Jay was coming down to confess the whole thing to them. Only he didn't have to, since Mitch just did it for him.Following Manny and Luke's failed attempt at revenge on Lily, they go down to see the girl Manny likes, Miranda. Only he chickens out, and Luke can't handle his incessant whining about it. He takes Cam's keys, since the guys were being paid to wash the car, and they drive down the block to Miranda's house. Luke drives by first and then convinces Manny to do it. After much prodding, he successfully drives by Miranda's house. Except now he has to drive backwards because he doesn't know how to make a U-turn. On the good side, they don't feel the need to get back at Lily; she can be the cute one.As Alex tries to fix Lily's doll, which Lily finds pretty because the doll looks just like Alex, Phil tries to get Lily's regular doll repaired by the doll doctor. (Do these places actually exist? I draw the line at Build-A-Bear, quite honestly.) Lily's doll can be repaired, although it won't be quite the same as it was before.PHIL: I'm just saying I like her the way she was. She was such a sweet little doll, and now she's just broken.Haley doesn't miss the message and tries to say she's the same person, just changed a little bit, but Phil's not having it. In the interview, he wanted to say to Haley he knew she was almost 18 and he was trying to be cool about such things, and he trusted her to be safe about it and make good decisions. However, he wasn't in the interview and it was hard for him to look at Haley right now, so Haley offered to go get the table at the food court. But he did manage to give her a hug.HALEY: I have a cool dad.Mitch apologized for marring his day, but Mitch thinks the day was still great even without the hole-in-one. For Jay, it was about hitting the ball from a tee very far into a tiny hole. It's especially bad since that wasn't the first day Mitch had a beer. He forgot about the time he was 14 and tried to take a sip of his dad's beer, only to have DeDe say he was just a baby in front of all of his friends and leave him in tears. Jay grabbed a couple of beers and gave him one outside. And he finally remembered the name of that weatherman: Storm Stevens.Oh, by the way, Cameron did find the Tupperware...by using the cutlery drawer as a step. And yes, he really threw out his back this time. (CAMERON: By the way, this had a lid.) Alex purchased the doll Lily played with, and Phil thanked Claire for keeping him in the dark about Haley for three whole months.
Directed by Jason Winer Starring Ed O'Neill
, Sofía Vergara
, Julie Bowen
, Ty Burrell
, Jesse Tyler Ferguson
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