Claire (Julie Bowen) has her debate with Duane Bailey (David Cross) for City Council tonight, and she isn't ready. People say she's mean-spirited, sarcastic (no idea where they get that), and unlikeable. (PHIL: Honey, you're not unlikeable. You just seem unlikeable.) They decide to have a mock debate so she can practice. Of course, it's hard for Claire to look like a person of the people when Luke (Nolan Gould) and Haley (Sarah Hyland) are honking a horn and hitting the buzzer on Operation when she rolls her eyes, purses her lips, points, touches her face, is sarcastic, doesn't know the simplest of questions, stutter, dealing with hecklers, talking too close to the mic ("It's a hairbrush!"), taking too long to answer questions, and showing the bad side of her face. (if the family could agree which side of her face was the bad one)As Jay (Ed O'Neill) has issues with his dog, Stella, jumping into the pool (or drowning, as he fears)...and Gloria (Sofía Vergara) has problems with Jay going crazy about Stella...Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) have to prepare Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) for her turn as a flower girl at a wedding. Based on Lily's dress, the theme is apparently Las Vegas Showgirl. (she has actual blinking lights in her dress...seriously). But they get her a basket and rose petals to practice. They make sure she simply drops them and doesn't throw them to the ground. But she's doing fine, and the dads are proud...until Lily gets tired, puts the basket down and says "oh, fudge". Just like the way Ralphie said it in A Christmas Story (Yes, this is the ep the Parents' Television Resource Council has a stick up their @$$ about, even though they'd have no problem with Lily brutally murdering the entire family.) Although Cam did think it was funny. Mitchell was shocked at both of them. (CAMERON: I'm sorry, but I have two weaknesses: children cursing and old people rapping) Both of them hoped she may have said the wrong word, but when Lily wanted some ice cream and Mitchell suggested fruit instead, well... (MITCHELL: Great, now I have two children.)The Dunphys get to the council chambers, where Phil (Ty Burrell) conveniently waits until that moment to tell Claire the debate is being televised. Now she's more nervous, given she just lost a mock debate to her family and is unlikeable. Alex (Ariel Winter) tells her to forget everything and just be confident.CLAIRE: How did you get to be so smart?ALEX: I always assumed adoption or a baby switch.Jay, Gloria, and Manny join them at the debate, as does Stella. Jay's theory for why Stella keeps jumping in the pool is that she might be suicidal, which Gloria thinks is crazy, obviously, although Duane Bailey doesn't think it's that crazy. In fact, Duane thinks Stella might sense Gloria thinks she's stupid.Mitchell and Cameron talk to Lily about that word she said that morning. ("Flower?" "No..." "Fruit?" "No..." "Oh, you mean f***.") And Cameron laughs again, which was why Lily was saying it in the first place. And she wasn't on board with stopping. Cam and Mitch have a problem, and Cam suggests they cancel.CAMERON: We'll say we're not going to any weddings until the gays can get married.MITCHELL: Oh, NOW we're political. We leave town on Gay Pride Weekend because we don't like the traffic.At the debate, Claire is actually doing quite well. Then Bailey plays the Phil card, bringing up the police report from last Valentine's Day regarding Phil breaking into a stranger's room and posing provocatively on the bed. The crowd is shocked...and amused...but Claire wants to get back to the issues. Of course, the audience wanted to know what she was wearing and if Phil and Claire were sex freaks. Well, Claire was freaking out over this, despite pointing out correctly Bailey hadn't passed one single ordinance of significance during his tenure. And then Phil decides to interrupt.PHIL: I am Phil Dunphy, and I am not a pervert. I, like a lot of men in this town, enjoy making love to my wife. I mean...their wives. Not me! Them.Oh, and Phil and Claire made the biggest mistake of all: ending up on YouTube. They went viral. (PHIL: Some sick bastard AutoTuned me.)Back at Jay and Gloria's, they get ready for the wedding, except Stella tries for the pool again and Gloria feels guilt that she called Stella stupid earlier. (GLORIA: You're young and you still have so much left to smell!) She dives in to get Stella in her dress. Jay gets a towel for the shivering lady. Stella, not Gloria. Then he figures it out and gives Stella's towel to Gloria.At the wedding, Lily was on verbal lockdown and was playing along, but Claire told Alex why she ran: she wanted to make her family proud. Alex was proud of her, given it was kind of nerdy and that was her thing. Cameron started crying, only Mitchell realizes what Lily would do to cheer him up. And she did. And the crowd laughed, so she just kept going. The bride was embarrassed. By Lily dropping f-bombs, not by the game-show-lights in all the wedding gowns.
Directed by Chris Koch Starring Ed O'Neill
, Sofía Vergara
, Julie Bowen
, Ty Burrell
, Jesse Tyler Ferguson
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