Comedy/Romance/, 2014, 21 min.Synopsis
Everybody was preparing to celebrate Haley's (Sarah Hyland) 21st birthday, and Claire (Julie Bowen) was even more excited about taking Haley to a club than Haley was. Of course, the bouncer said they didn't give senior discounts when Claire wanted to show him her ID, but no matter. Gloria (Sofía Vergara) never got to celebrate her 21st with her mother because her mom always thought she was a little girl...unless the police showed up for Dad, in which case some batted eyelashes and a button undone in just the right place was the order of the day...and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) were happy to play the cool uncles once they got away from the drunken bachelorettes. They knew not to follow Claire's advice about what to get Haley, but when they bought Haley a pair of expensive shoes that Claire claimed she would be wearing if she was 21, they knew they were in trouble. Speaking of being in trouble, Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) decided to save the big questions in life to her babysitters for that night: Alex (Ariel Winter), Luke (Nolan Gould), and Manny (Rico Rodriguez). Such as where babies come from. But when Alex said she was doing her homework, the babies question would certainly beat Lily asking why Alex was such a nerd. Meanwhile, Phil (Ty Burrell) was trying to get Haley's present: a new car. But Jay (Ed O'Neill) drove him to the dealership. And naturally, Jay thought he was a born negotiator and Phil wasn't. To be fair, the "walk away" tactic is generally effective at a dealership, but when Jay insisted they pull it out after the dealer balked at Jay's offer for the car, they walked away. And the dealer let them.Claire, Mitch, and Cam weren't feeling well, Claire wanting a more adult relationship with Haley and the guys knowing Haley hated the shoes by the high voice she gave on seeing them. Claire tried coaxing Haley to spill, asking what Gloria and she were talking about with the bachelorettes. They said they were playing "Would You Rather..." with the choices being getting married to George Clooney or one night of sex with Tom Hardy, Claire tried to sound like she was living on the edge by choosing Tom. (No, it didn't work.) Oh, and to bruise Cameron and Mitchell's egos even further, the drunken bachelorettes decided to dance with another gay couple at the bar. (To be fair, they were much better looking.) Meanwhile, at another dealership, the salesperson there said they couldn't match the deal the first dealership gave and that they should go back there. Phil panics and calls the first place back. Jay thinks he has the second guy, but the salesperson's manager merely told him Jay couldn't eat any more hot dogs.While Alex stops Luke's sleazy explanation to Lily of how babies are made (and Manny's overly-romantic version that denigrates into an argument with Luke), Claire is trying her hardest to stick to her guns regarding changing her relationship with Haley. She promised Haley to support her no matter what she decided. Which was the exact moment for Haley to decide she was getting a tattoo. Oops. Claire calls Phil to get to the bar right away so he can play parent to counteract Claire playing friend, only he lost the car thanks to Jay. Claire didn't have much of a choice but to talk Haley out of a tattoo, and Phil finally drew the line with Jay. Of course, that didn't stop Jay from going back to the salesman and use his 70s tactics to get the car. But it worked; Jay got Phil the car. The salesman gave Phil a walkthrough on the car and revealed the truth: Jay bribed the dealer $1,000 to say he got Phil a much better deal, but the salesperson gave Phil his original deal because the salesperson hated his own father-in-law and totally sympathized with Phil's situation. So Phil got the car at the price he wanted and discovered Jay really does care what he thinks of him. Not a bad night.Meanwhile, Alex gets Manny and Luke in line and tells Lily they can't continue the conversation about where babies come from because they don't know...as far as Lily knows. Well...it turns out Lily DID know where babies came from and she was just testing the three on if they knew.Haley was on-board with the tattoos and Claire was not happy that Gloria was encouraging her. In fact, Gloria encouraged Haley so much, Haley wanted Claire to get a matching tattoo as well so everyone would know they were mother and daughter and they had a memento of the best night of their lives together. Claire couldn't back down, and now they've convinced Mitch and Cam to get them as well. Of course, Mitch and Cam were pretty vulnerable already to a suggestion like that because they were not feeling particularly hip after the drunken bridesmaids ditched them. Claire was in a lot of pain as she got the tattoo on her leg.CLAIRE: Oh, this tattoo really hurts. I don't think I drank enough!MITCHELL: Huh, a couple of firsts tonight.But Claire did it. She got the Sanskrit word for "mother" on her ankle. And now it was time for Haley to get hers. Yes, she backed out, just like you were guessing. She didn't want a tattoo on her old skin one day.CLAIRE: (breathing fire) Haley, if you don't get "daughter," it's going to look like I got this for my mother. And then I'm going to have to saw my leg off!MITCHELL: Or you can just add to it. Hey, what's Sanskrit for "issues"?Luckily for Haley (and not so luckily for Claire), Phil arrived with her car and Haley was ecstatic. She wanted to take it for a drive right away because Claire was making her get a tattoo.LILY: (voiceover) When I grow up, I want to have kids. Well, first I want a perfect husband. Someone who takes care of me. And then we're going to make a baby. Which is easy. (explaining to Alex, Luke, and Manny) You just put eggs and tadpoles in a glass, and the woman has to drink it. Then the man and the woman kiss and jump on their bed. Then after a year, she pees and a baby comes out.(They're...impressed?)Of course, now that Claire has a tattoo, Phil thinks he has license to get one. He wanted one that described him but would be in a place where you wouldn't see it if he wore a suit nor would it degrade as he got older.PHIL: So I decided I'm going to put on my lower back "Go deep. BAM!"CLAIRE: Think about it.PHIL: I heard it. "Do it." No. "All in." Ugh!
Directed by Alisa Statman Starring Ed O'Neill
, Sofía Vergara
, Julie Bowen
, Ty Burrell
, Jesse Tyler Ferguson
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