Comedy/Romance/, USA, 2011Synopsis
Phil (Ty Burrell) is excited about showing Haley around his alma mater, even high-fiving a student...who was actually shading his eyes. But Go Bullfrogs! Actually, it's Bulldogs. Claire (Julie Bowen) always makes that mistake, but given how Phil 'barks' at his old frat buddies on the phone, the confusion is understandable. Phil wanted to take Haley and slide down a hill on cafeteria trays, but Haley isn't really enjoying things that much, although she certainly had no problem waving to the guy checking her out. Which Phil took as a positive sign, although he didn't actually see the guy because he was too busy practicing with the cheerleaders. He had a whole evening planned for Haley, including listening to a male choral group on the quad, but the tour guide invited Haley to a student mixer, and Phil couldn't let her be bored with the old man.Manny (Rico Rodriguez) is at that age where he's starting to notice the girls. Which he did before, but now he's noticing them for the same reason all thirteen-year-olds notice them; they're starting to hit puberty. The word "Bella" written all over his notebook was Gloria's (Sofía Vergara) first clue something was up. The large package Manny snuck up to his room was the second. Gloria was worried, but Jay (Ed O'Neill) figured it was nothing. Besides, he had to watch that Colombian soap opera Gloria wanted him to watch with her. ("The guy's a judge; you'd think he'd wear a shirt.")Claire had Alex and Luke sleeping over at friends' houses, so she had a night to herself, and she wasn't going to waste it. She immediately went to the party animals for help: Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet). However, dinner at a sit-down family restaurant that supported the local elementary school was not what she had in mind. She wanted to hear music and breathe in second-hand smoke, maybe even stuff money down the speedo of a cage dancer like she did back in the day. Mitch mistakenly mentioned a gallery party Longinus was supposed to be at, and Cam had to take his pot pie to go. Sure enough, Claire was having a lot of fun. Cam and Mitch? Not so much.CLAIRE: It's only 9:30. You can't even stay up past LUKE'S bed time?MITCHELL: It's 9:30?? But we're tired. We get very tired on Fridays.CLAIRE: Hey, I have three children. I've been tired since 2005. Let's rally!Claire picked up a cute dress and went off with Julian, Longinus' date, to a club.MITCHELL: If he was straight, this would be just like high school.As it turns out, Julian is Longinus' trainer, not boyfriend. Oh, and he's straight. Which Claire might have found out had she not been drunk off her behind. And trying on a dress in his presence.At Jay and Gloria's, she can't get that box Manny got out of her mind. Jay tells her boys are supposed to keep secrets from their mothers at his age, but Gloria won't have it. Jay tells her he probably is on his computer looking for 'movies'. That ticks her off and she storms out. Jay is upset, especially since Renaldo got shot! (Colombian soap opera)Mitchell and Cameron find out about this. But they have a bigger problem. The valet switched cars on them and someone took their car home. Cam was up in arms about how to get their car back, but Mitchell punches the "home" button on the car's GPS, and problem solved. Cam has a look around and notices Jay-Z tickets, a parking pass to Yosemite, and several other fun places they always said they go to but never did. Mitchell tries to argue they have Lily now, but the car they were in had a car seat in the back. They admitted they were in a rut, but perhaps the couple whose car they had could be people they went out with and did fun stuff. But the lady smashing the car with the baseball bat changed that.MITCHELL: Oh, my God! We're stuck in a rut!CAMERON: Really, you want to go over that now?MITCHELL: No, I mean we're LITERALLY stuck in a rut!Phil had no hesitation about letting Haley go off on her own because he had a tracker in her mobile phone, which showed she went to the Pi Chi fraternity. Now he had SERIOUS hesitations about it. He went storming into the fraternity and caught Haley drinking with someone. A friend of hers from school who was also visiting the college. And she was drinking ginger ale. She was furious and Phil tried to chase her down and apologize. A campus officer didn't interpret it that way, although the way Haley went off on how much Phil was embarrassing her was enough evidence. Haley wants to know what he's going to do when she really goes to college.PHIL: Freak out, I think. Look, your whole life my job's been to protect you. A job I kind of love. Now I feel like I'm being forced into early retirement. I had to find you and make sure you're OK for as long as I still get to do that.HALEY: (disgusted) It's just like you to piss me off and then say something sweet.Haley reminded him college was still a year away, but she was willing to try sledding on the trays.Gloria makes it home and all but begs Jay to talk to Manny. If Manny was downloading movies like Jay thought, Gloria wanted Jay to talk to him and answer any questions he might have. Jay really didn't want to do it, but a scream by Manny that he was stuck ended his argument. It turns out Manny bought inversion boots. He also was wearing a weighted helmet. He was trying to make himself taller because Bella didn't like him because of his lack of height. ("Do you think it's the coffee?") Gloria goes to get Manny some ice for the bump on his head, and Jay reassures him he'll get tall eventually, but he just had to be patient. Jay told him he used to workout to get the girls, and he'd help Manny do the same. He'd even try a few pull-ups on the bar in Manny's room. Which promptly broke off.Claire delivered Luke's retainer since she had it with her, only he was sleeping over where she told someone she was too sick to watch a movie earlier. It turns out the ladies didn't get to see the end of Gone with the Wind because the DVR broke. But Claire saw it (no she didn't), and the ladies ask her how it ended. Claire was a little too hammered to answer, but perhaps Julian could answer that for her. She insists he's gay, and he keeps denying it. She thinks he's kidding, but she undressed in front of him and insisted on a massage. ("Claire, when I wrote 'don't ever change' in your yearbook, I didn't mean this much!") Finally she gave up when she realized the red dress she picked out looked great on her...according to straight Julian.JAY: We all struggle with limitations. Some we're willing to accept, and some we're not. It's never too late to grow in life...thanks to our patented Lengthenator?Gloria couldn't believe Manny spent $50 on it.JAY: I know. He could have gotten a two-year subscription to Playboy for that.GLORIA: (whales on Jay with a styrofoam frame from the Lengthenator) HE IS NOT GETTING THE PLAYBOY EVER!! HE'S A LITTLE BOY!
Directed by Scott Ellis Starring Ed O'Neill
, Sofía Vergara
, Julie Bowen
, Ty Burrell
, Jesse Tyler Ferguson
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