Comedy/Romance/, USA, 2010, 30 min.Synopsis
It's a school dance for Luke (Nolan Gould) and Manny (Rico Rodriguez), but he's upset he can't find a teal pocket square for his suit. Gloria's (Sofía Vergara) idea doesn't work, because it's turquoise...and her bra. Jay (Ed O'Neill) is desperate, but Claire (Julie Bowen) tells him to conference in with Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet). Cam would have one in every single color, but he loaned out his teal one. So Jay has a trip to the mall in the offing. As does Phil (Ty Burrell), judging by the suit Luke had...unless the Incredible Hulk look was en vogue again.Respect is hard to come by in this family. Cameron and Mitchell find it impossible to believe Lily would ever bite another human being, until she does it twice to Cameron. ("It's like Twilight back here!") Gloria is supposed to co-chair the dance with Claire, but Claire has been running the dance since Haley was 12 and didn't want to give up her authority. Jay still doesn't respect Phil Dumbphy. Which is how Jay says it...on purpose. But then, Luke didn't know mannequins are built without their genitals, so you can sort of see Jay's point. Manny is beside himself, since the tie Luke had matched the pattern for his pocket square. Manny wants him to put it back, and Luke isn't backing down. But Phil is by letting another customer cut in front of Jay. And now Jay is beside himself.Mitchell and Cameron try to figure out why Lily is biting. Neither is trying to blame the other, and both think that's exactly what the other is doing.CAMERON: Great, I've got a daughter who bites and a partner who stings.Mitchell thinks it's all that pretend biting Cameron does while taking care of Lily, and Cameron thinks it's Mitchell using his teeth to carry/hold/open just about everything.At the dance, Gloria comes up with a new arrangement for the tables, meaning Claire tripped over a box that was in the way. Claire wants to put it back to the way it was, but other people like Gloria's idea, for which she happily takes credit. But Claire needs chairs from under the dusty, dirty stage. She sends Gloria, only to have the janitor apologize for it being so dirty.Nothing has changed at the mall, since the same jerk is still in front of Jay and Phil. As this is a sitcom and there isn't another clerk in such a large store, Jay is getting upset with Phil and cracking jokes. Phil has had enough and bolts, leaving Luke and Manny with Jay. Jay spots the man who took their parking spot earlier and tells the boys he's going to give the guy a piece of his mind. Except the guy never knew and his dog died that day. Phil is working on a volcano and decides to take it out on the guy spritzing people with cologne (which only happens in a sitcom, too). Phil grabs the cologne bottle and goes off on the poor guy with about a dozen good spritzes to the face, even chasing him around the store. Jay has to pick him up in the security office. Phil didn't know why he snapped, but Jay felt guilty for goading him earlier. Jay's father-in-law did the same thing to him, multiplied by about a thousand. But Jay didn't want Phil to feel that way about him.JAY: I can't swear that my way is the smart way. I see you smiling, skipping around, and I think...I don't know...maybe the boys would be better off if they were more like you.PHIL: (pause) You know, skipping burns more calories than running...JAY: We're done here.Mitchell looks on a website for answers. Cameron rejects the idea of a stranger yelling at Lily, since she probably already has flashbacks. ("She didn't actually fight in Vietnam...") Pepper in the mouth sounds just as bad. Cameron's "People Aren't Food" song won't work, so Mitchell goes for the pepper. Or seasoning, it doesn't matter, because Cameron tries to force it down Mitchell's throat to see if he likes it.CAMERON: Ow! You bit me!MITCHELL: Well why don't you sing a song about it!Claire makes it to the dance and sees the boys in their suits. Luke even wore cologne. ("Dad attacked the cologne guy and then hugged me.") Claire thinks she was too petty about her competitve nature with Gloria...until she sees Gloria in one insanely hot dress (seriously...RAWR!) and gets a drink spilled all over her. She goes postal when the janitor brings Gloria a paper towel to clean up but walks right past her. Gloria finally confronts her. Claire tells her she's upset for Gloria coming in and taking what she used to do for years. It was her "thing." She even was able to talk to Gus, the janitor where everyone else couldn't. But Gloria had her reasons for volunteering, too. She caught the evil looks other mothers were giving her, thinking she'd steal their husbands away. She wanted to prove she was just one of them. Both admit they were being petty and unreasonable. Although Claire stuffing her bra was a bit more sad.PHIL: We liek to think we're so smart, that we have all the answers. And we want to pass that on to our children. But if you scratch beneath the surface, you won't have to dig deep to find the kid you were, which is why it's kind of crazy that we're raising kids of our own. I guess that's the real circle of life. Your parents faked their way through it. You fake your way through it. And you just hope you didn't raise a serial killer.
Directed by Gail Mancuso Starring Ed O'Neill
, Sofía Vergara
, Julie Bowen
, Ty Burrell
, Jesse Tyler Ferguson
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