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Tucson Is the Gateway to Dick or This Is Not Sexy


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Drama/Comedy/, USA, 2010, 29 min.

Synopsis "Hung" - "Tuscon is the Gateway to Dick or This is Not Sexy" - July 11, 2010Ray awakens to a mattress delivery from Mrs. Koontz. He's uncomfortable accepting it and sends it back.Tanya meets up with Lenore to meet with a prospective client much to Lenore's dismay, who's trying to cut Tanya out of the pimp business. When they meet with the client Francis, Lenore refers to Tanya as her intern and has her go fetch tea. Lenore gives Francis, a classy, older lady the hard sell about helping her to seize her own life and talks about spa trips to Tuscon. Tanya butts in and offers up a sexual journey right here in Detroit and Francis runs away aghast, since she thought she was there to get "life coaching." Lenore freaks out on Tanya and tells her to have some class and learn something about the way of sales.Ray is giving it to the pregnant lady Claire and she is very happy. When they're done her phone rings and it's her husband, who has left her. She says she thinks he might want to come back but she doesn't want him back and ignores the call. Ray wonders if they should get back together. Claire doesn't think so, she likes having fun with Ray, how he smells, his big penis.Ray calls Tanya and tells her he feels bad, worried that he's ruining Claire's life because she's ignoring her husband because of him. He's coming out of a game and cheering his baseball team on as they get into vans that he paid for with his own money. His assistant coach Mike worries about insurance issues. Mike asks Ray out to celebrate the win since it's ladies night at Shaker's but Ray says he has plans. Mike calls him a hermit.Lenore is ringing Jessica's doorbell but she hides from her. Jessica goes into the kitchen where her mother is making a cake for Darby. They talk about how mean Darby can be. Her mom says teenagers calm down after they have sex and that's why Jessica was so happy in high school because she was a slut. Jessica disagrees with this characterization. Jessica's mom, Lottie, asks why she's going out bowling with Ray. Jessica says it's just bowling, she can be married to Ronnie and be friends with Ray. Her mother disagrees.Ray pulls out his bowling ball and finds his and Jessica's old bowling shirts. As he's hanging them to dry outside Mrs. Koontz asks how long Ray's going to leave her gift outside. He says it's not a gift if he doesn't take it.Ray sits at the bowling alley waiting for Jessica, musing that it feels like date night. She arrives and he gives her the shirt. Darby and Damon also arrive to bowl. As does Jessica's mom and her moms' friend. And Ronnie. Ray is sad that his "date night" vision is ruined. Lottie is an awesome bowler. Ronnie is gutter ball city. The kids have fun. Jessica and Ray are also good. Ray loses 20 bucks to Lottie, just like old times.As Ray helps Claire put together her crib her phone rings and he tells her to get it. She says she didn't ask for his opinion. She gets angry and tries to explain about her husband. Ray keeps trying to defend the husband, who he figures is emasculated from losing his job and Claire having money, and she freaks out and yells "this is not sexy!"Tanya goes to visit Francis at her home and drops off a thank you/I'm sorry basket. Tanya pushes her way into to use the restroom. Francis still has her Christmas tree up, her husband died on Christmas eve and she doesn't want to throw it out. She gives Tanya a gift from under the tree. Tanya goes back to her basket and eats one of her "lyric" croissants and gives Francis the message inside: je ne regrette rien. Francis clearly just wants her to leave. As Tanya leaves she gives Francis the hard sell on Ray again saying when she herself is lonely, what she likes is to be held and made love to and maybe Francis would like that too. She gives Francis her card. Francis seems potentially amenable.Lenore goes to yell at Ray about the fight with Claire and tells him to never again tell her to go back to her husband, it's bad for business. Ray argues that he can't separate his heart from his head. She tells him he better. As she leaves she runs into Tanya, wearing the Lanvin sweater Francis gave her. Lenore is "disappointed" that Tanya went behind her back and says the sweater is bad karma and unflattering to Tanya's complexion.Jessica is dropping Darby off at the mall with her cake. She takes a moment to mention the thing Darby said to her about defining her life through men. Darby says she didn't mean to hurt her. Jessica says she forgives her. Darby notes she didn't apologize. Jessica says she's thanking future Darby for the apology that will obviously come when she's older and realizes how much crap she gave her mother as a teen. She notices that Darby is heading over towards a protest with the cake. She goes to investigate and it turns out that a group of women from the fat acceptance movement is staging a protest outside a health center proclaiming there is nothing wrong with them the way they are, eating cake and chanting "I love my big butt, I love my curvy hips!" Jessica comes over and tries to be supportive by saying and doing all the wrong things like telling Darby's clearly fat friends that they're not fat and refusing a piece of cake saying she had a late lunch. The girls snort derisively at her and Darby is mortified and tells Jessica to just go home. Jessica runs away crying and calls Lenore and leaves a message.Tanya models her new sweater in the mirror.Ray goes back to Claire and apologizes. And yet he tries to convince her to think about her soon-to-be-ex-husband. He says he's got flaws too. She says that's what's good about him, she doesn't know things about him. He explains he's letting people down right now by being there and he has an ex-wife that he sometimes wishes wasn't an ex. Claire offers him a thousand dollars to sit and eat mac and cheese and watch TV with her and then have sex with her one last time. He demands $1200. She smiles.When he gets home he brings in Mrs. Koontz's mattress.

Directed by David Petrarca  

Starring Thomas Jane, Jane Adams, Eddie Jemison, Charlie Saxton, Sianoa Smit-McPhee, more...

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