Origins of Vampire Mythology

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Comedy/, 2012, 22 min.

Synopsis Abed and Troy are back to being best friends, playing a version of patty cake to demonstrate their shared love. "How come I'm not best friends with anybody in the group?" complains Pierce. The question receives a patronizing "Awww" from Shirley and Annie. Just then, Craig enters wearing a tiny train engineer outfit. He announces that a carnival is coming to town and, "on an unrelated note, I'm into trains now!" Britta says that she used a date a man who works in a carnival ... a man named Blade. This cracks up the group. Britta can't resist this man named after a kickboxing vampire movie. On a somewhat related note, Abed and Troy makes plans to watch "Blade."Later, Jeff decides to change his shirt at his locker, a wardrobe change closely watched by Annie. Britta then approaches, saying that she needs to stay with Annie under lockdown for the weekend like some sort of "carny banging werewolf" -- lest she ends up sleeping with Blade. Robert then enters Craig's office, telling the dean to have Troy enroll with an A/C repair program, which Troy apparently doesn't want to do. "Have you forgotten that your school is under the A/C repair school's thumb?" Robert growls.Meanwhile, Troy, Abed, Britta and Annie watch "Blade" at Annie's apartment. Britta begs Annie to give her back her phone, claiming to want to know if her mother is dying. Annie dismisses it as "junkie talk." She is desperate and is eventually dragged screaming into Annie's bedroom, accusing her friends of being "Hitlers," "monsters," and the "opposites of Batman." The friends slam the door and lock the Blade junkie in the bedroom. Moments later, Craig appears the front door in his PJs and carrying a bag of chips. "Boys night!"Jeff and Shirley head to the carnival, where Pierce and Ben are spotted playing games together. "I decided to go outside the group for a best friend," Pierce explains. Pierce has even won Ben a stuffed horse. Jeff and Shirley then spot Blade, who is running the shooting gallery. Jeff swears he is not jealous, but insists on shooting some ducks.  Back at Annie's place, Britta thanks her friend for keeping her away from Blade. She declares that Annie is like a sister to her -- and then asks for her phone back. "You're not manipulating me, are you?" asks Annie before handing over the phone.Annie then leaves the bedroom and explains that she has switched out Blade's number for her own on Britta's phone. Sure enough, Annie receives a text from Britta saying that she is "dying to feel the warmth of your ...." The circle of trust has been broken. Then there is another text. And another. And another. Jeff, meanwhile, is shooting at the gallery and checking out Blade, who is relaxed and, according to Shirley, very "cool." Not as cool at Jeff, though, she quickly adds. Pierce and Ben, in the meantime, are enjoying cotton candy and each other's company. They laugh at nothing in particular in slow motion.Back at Annie's apartment, Annie texts "go away" back to Britta. Troy, Abed and Craig tell Annie that is a terrible idea. Sure enough, Annie's phone begins to ring. "She was born in the 80s!" Troy says. "She still uses her phone as a phone!" Annie asks the boys to act like a carnival -- Troy starts babbling about "step right up!" and so on -- while she lowers her voice and grunts, acting like a carnival worker she has never met, scolding Britta for calling "him" at work. Britta immediately apologizes. "She's whipped by an imaginary douche!" Annie exclaims. Says Craig: "Hey, don't knock it until you tried it."At the carnival, Jeff is desperate to figure out Blade's story, so that he might be able to figure out the high-school drop out/carny's hold over Britta. Shirley has had enough and, holding three giant stuffed animals Jeff has won for her during his extensive time at the shooting gallery, storms off to find Pierce, who is sitting on a bench with Ben. Ben wonders how they'll avoid fighting. Pierce suggests that they just "let it happen." "Don't tell me what to do!" screams Ben. We then watch a montage of their relationship, all five minutes of it, as melancholy music plays in the background. Pierce is very, very sad.Annie frets on how to help Britta -- and Troy has an idea. He is going to pretend to be Blade being nice to Britta so that she will no longer like the carny. Troy texts something presumably sweet to Britta, who immediately emerges from her bedroom a cured adult. She is over Blade. Back at the carnival, Jeff explodes, asking aloud the secret to Blade's pull. "You dropped over 300 bucks at my booth, so I'll tell you," Blade says. "You want to know my secret?" Responds a very serious Jeff: "Yes, I do!"Back at Annie's apartment, Britta says she is done with Blade because he is a "loser." This insults and saddens Troy, who leaves the room. Annie then checks her phone and sees what Troy texted. "Oh my God, what is wrong with you!?" she asks Britta, explaining that Britta was texting the group the entire time. "What happened to you?!" Annie demands. Just then, Jeff enters with news: 10 years ago, a bolt from a Ferris Wheel embedded itself in Blade's brain, destroying his ability to feel shame. "I have to go with him!" Britta says. No, Jeff says. No. He launches into a romantic-comedy style speech, explaining that we all must learn to love ourselves before we can go to others. Annie and Britta appear to be touched. Oblivious, Abed watches "Blade." Suddenly, Pierce enters. He hands Annie his phone, announcing that she shouldn't let him call Ben. Pierce then locks himself in Annie's bedroom. Troy re-enters and sits down to watch "Blade" with the rest of the group. They all exchange smiles, having seemingly learned something about life.All except for Abed. "This movie's fantastic," he comments.

Directed by Steven K. Tsuchida  

Starring Joel McHale, Gillian Jacobs, Danny Pudi, Yvette Nicole Brown, Alison Brie, more...

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